so i doubt i'm going to make it through the month of august. okay, i am. in fact, all-in-all, it's been an okay month. but it's 2 weeks since and i cried today without even drinking. maybe it's cause i'm tired. i'm getting to the point where i want to call him or email him, or ride obsessively past his house on my bike. i want to see him desperately and i'm desperately afraid to see him. i want to see his face and see how i feel. i want to see him and tell him i hate him and i love him and i hate him. i want to see his face when he sees me. i miss him i miss him i miss him. it hurts, physically, thinking of him. i need to know if he misses me. but if he does, then i'm going to think he might want to get back together, which is not the best idea. i mean it is, it really is. the two of us should be together, why can't he see that? my stomach hurts, my head hurts from stunted crying, my chest hurts from missing him, my throat hurts from holding back the screams. i'm a mess. i love him. i hate him. i miss him. why won't he call? fucking a, this sucks.