stupid me.

i wasn't tired, but wanted to check out. so i took a tylenol with codeine. so now i'm half checked out and blogging. stupid girl.

getting so unceremoniously dumped has been difficult to deal with. in that, i don't know how to deal with it. people must realize i'm really upset because i won't talk about it. clue: if someone who talks about everything shuts up about a particular subject, worry. no one, however, seems worried. which makes me think they're dumb. actually, they're just doing what i ask by not bringing it up. which is nice of them. today i finally feel like talking about it, but i'm not sure who to talk to. my mom isn't very good at this stuff, my sister is on her honeymoon, and i'm unsure of the strength of most of the rest of my friendships. the ones that i'm confident are okay never met him. and it's hard to talk about someone they never met. ugh.

so, confession: here are some of the stupid crazy girl-who-just-got-dumped things i have been thinking about doing but have thus far successfully restrained myself:
taking the meager pile of his things and lighting them on fire, potentially on his doorstep.
spraypainting nasty/desperate things on his vehicle.
spending every day in a drugged/drunk haze (okay, i got wasted on thursday and took a pill tonight, but hey, the drunk thing was an accident.
using this as an excuse to not get out of bed
using this as an excuse to sleep with every man in sight to prove that his isn't the only face that is beautiful in bed.
sending him text messages that repeatedly express my utter disgust in his behavior.
drunk dialing ex boyfriends for a sympathy fuck.
killing myself. i have thought about how much i don't want to exist right now exactly 15,645,342 times since he said he couldn't be in this relationship anymore. though, really, i think that just getting hit by a car on my bike and going into a coma would be the best option. by the time i wake up he won't be a big deal anymore, right?

okay, that's pretty extreme for a relationship that lasted 3.5 months. but since it was my longest, my sweetest, and now i'm alone again, i feel relatively justified.