okay...new crush is developing much faster than i thought. nothing has happened in the physical or the overt verbalization of any sort of attraction has happened at all. in fact, i could discover that all he wants to be is friends. but there are these things that just wouldn't be happening if this was a friend connection. like him emailing me after we see each other each time. or me texting him with very little real purpose in mind. for some reason, and this sounds incredibly corny and could very likely not be true, but it's like we can't get enough of each other and we just want to stay connected a little bit longer, and a little bit longer. this whole thing ended up in a very awkward conversation today in which i was caught because i was the one who brought up the weekend and i guess possibly hanging out, but then i had nothing to say because i'm too afraid to actually suggest anything. i really don't want to screw this up, at the same time that i have no clue what's going on or what could go on or what! argh....but of course, this is the most fun i've had in a really really long time. god he makes me blush just thinking of him...and the fantasies...of course, they're pretty chaste thus far, but still. like he seriously makes me blush. i could feel the heat radiating off my face. and i'd just been talking to him on the phone! what is wrong with me? what if i'm making this all up again. i seriously gotta figure out a plan...i gotta make this one prove he wants me! god, i sound so fucking manipulative. that's not what i mean. my horoscope said to surrender. and i want to. i cold probably call him right now and he'd answer his phone. i mean, i think he would. argh...this is one of those crushes where i wont' look at his face so he can't really look me in the eye. my expressions are naked. you look in my face and you know what i'm thinking. it's dangerous. for me, i mean. god, he makes me blush.