the thing about the beginning of anything is that you have to learn the language--the vocabulary. it's the same with a new job, a new hobby, a new relationship. because really, we speak in symbols. in veiled metaphors. especially in the beginning of a new romantic/maybe not romantic relationship. basically, what i'm trying to say is that that i don't know what the fuck is going on. things are said and are not said and i'm just so unsure. my sister says that i should just say straight out, "is there something here or are we just playing?"

because playing is what we've been doing. serious playing. seriously flirting. i've never just wanted to touch someone so bad. and not done it, i mean. what is holding us back?

is it this terrible fear that we will get hurt again? because we both have been hurt recently. seriously hurt. i have a feeling mine is easier forgotten than his. but you can't live afraid.

i can't be making all this up. he's got to like me as much as i like him. well, i don't really know how much i like him, so i'm guessing he's in that same boat too.

okay, i am not going to call him tonight, but if i don't hear from him, i will call him tomorrow.